Divorce isn’t the end of a relationship; it’s a transition to a place of greater awareness where your relationship with your former spouse continues, only in a new and different form. Instrumental in creating this place of greater awareness for everyone involved is Dr. John Demartini and the Demartini Method®.
The Demartini Method® allows one to shed the wardrobe of a victim, while being ensconced in an outfit of liberation. This liberation is key for a person to begin dictating his or her own destiny through reflection, realization and understanding.
Reflect
When I made my journey through the Demartini Method® I was instructed in the very beginning to list the likeable qualities of my former spouse. I quickly rounded out the list with two traits: his dishwasher loading prowess and his keen ability to shine his shoes well. But through some sweat and tears I was able to continue to fill the page. The much easier task was listing everything I disliked about my former spouse. Then came reflection: listing all the traits I disliked in him that I found in myself. This is where the journey to greater awareness sped up. I began to see myself in him and was able to admit that the traits I was most denying in myself were the ones to which I was most criticizing of him.
Realize
How would your spouse’s friends, family, neighbors and coworkers describe the person you’re going through this transition with? Naturally, they would have an easy go at coming up with a list of likes. Would it be easy for them to do the same for you? This is the exercise where I realized the words I used to describe my former spouse were just my labels—my own perspective. I realized the fine line between truth and perception as I began dictating my own destiny.
Understand
The final leg of the journey is that of understanding how the ‘labeled’ negative traits were beneficial and how the positive traits may actually have been a disservice. This doesn’t make sense until one realizes that support can only sustain a person, and challenge is what helps one grow. And only through growth can any journey end in a place of greater awareness.
When one begins to reflect, realize and understand, only then can one begin to dictate his or her destiny. Greater awareness does not come by ending a relationship; it must be achieved by transitioning into something new — into something beneficial to all parties involved. Divorce in and of itself cannot be seen as a termination of a relationship between two people; it’s an opportunity, through its challenges, for those involved to become empowered to greater heights of strength, confidence and love.